My single and divorced friends will often call me for dating advice. It’s comforting when they actually listen to it. Some will ask for my advice and then do the opposite thing. Then they come back sad and disappointed. Dating doesn’t get any easier when you’re 35 and older, but you can still be successful. Here are some tips:
There are still good men out there. Some women say that they are by themselves because men today don’t have anything to offer. That may be true to a certain extent, but it works both ways. What do you have to offer? How picky can you be when you’re unemployed, living with your parents, and don’t own your own car? Think about it. You may be hurt by what I’ve said, but you have to consider those things. You may be looking for a lawyer, but that “good man” may be a bus driver taking college courses in political science. You never know.
Pray about it. God knows all of our wants and our needs. Talk to Him about it. There are many biblical references for this (i.e. I Thessalonians 5:17; Psalm 37:4; Philippines 4:6).
Stop obsessing about your ex. You may feel that you invested a lot of time in that relationship, but he did as well. Your ex had moved on with someone new, so you should do the same. That is the reason that they are called “exes”. You forgive them and move on. Don’t keep allowing them to hurt you over and over again. That obsession will take control of your life, and you will not be able to move forward.
Don’t just focus on one guy. If you’re divorced and ready to start dating again, don’t just focus on one guy. You may find him attractive, but you don’t know anything about him. In 2014, a man can be gay, straight, bisexual, or transsexual. Unless he’s up front about it, it’s not good to assume until you get to know him. Get to know one another and see what things that you have in common. If it doesn’t lead to a relationship, you’ll at least have a friendship. This isn’t about sex; the more men that you meet, the better your chances of finding one that you’re compatible with.
Continue to live life to the fullest. Don’t put all of your focus on dating. Typically, if you’re involved in outside activities and causes that you are passionate about, chances are that you’re meeting people with similar interests.
Stop thinking that nobody is “good enough”. It so easy for you to believe that now that you have a successful career, a fantastic house, the car, and the beauty that no man can meet your standards. Whether or not you want to admit it, you need that companionship. You get tired of coming home to an empty house. I’ve heard so many stories of women that always talk about how many men are pursuing them; yet they are not interested in any of them. Stop faking. Just like you, every man is going to have his flaws in addition to his outstanding characteristics. It’s all about what you can live with.
I hope that these tips are helpful. Some of you may not like what I had to say, but these are the things that I’ve noticed and believe should be said. Remember to stay positive. Marriage can work if two people are compatible.
Lately, I have been thinking about my friends. Every now and again, you may have to cut somebody out of your life. Once you get married, some people change, and oftentimes, it is not for the better. I can honestly say that the single friends that I have are true friends. They were happy for me and didn’t “hate” when I got married. We celebrate each other’s achievements, and they don’t get pleasure out of my misfortune. Life happens to all of us.
Then there are those women that I was friends with at one time that have drifted away. Not because they are “haters” necessarily, but because we no longer share the same goals or interests. That’s typical. All of us change in some way as we get older. Most of my friends are married, but I can be friends with a single woman as long as she has good intentions. The enemy is always trying to ruin marriages, and he will sometimes use people to do it. I’m very careful about who I call a “friend”, but once you have my trust, that’s all I need. Some women just need some good advice or an encouraging word. I can give you that.
A lot of single women ask me my opinion about finding a mate. There are a lot of single women, whether divorced, separated, or never been married, that would like to have a great guy in their life. The first thing that I tell them is to know what you want. I made a list as a matter of fact when I was single. I remember a godly man with intelligence and a sense of humor topped the list. I must say that he exceeded my expectations. Sure, no man is perfect, but neither are we. If you’re divorced, don’t blame yourself. Learn and grow from the experience.
We can sometimes overlook a good man because we are so wrapped up in the physical. No, I’m not saying that you should date a troll, but give a guy a chance if he’s a little chubby or a little shorter than you. Especially if you have a lot in common. I’ve met many men that are sexy, but they are very flawed in other areas. Sexy doesn’t pay the bills. Sexy won’t matter if he’s cheating on you or taking his frustrations out on your face. I tell women as long as you find him attractive, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.
It’s wonderful to have a man that is also your friend. You can talk for hours when you’re together, no matter how deep the conversation. You should have similar religious views, values, and the same attitude about family. If you want to have kids, you don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t want them. Also, if your man wants you to be a stay-at-home mother, but you want to have a career, those are vast differences. If you’re having major issues before you get married, they’re only going to get worse. Also, you want a man to be supportive. He shouldn’t bad-mouth you behind your back or embarrass you in public. You should be respectful of him as well. Marriage is a team effort.
Lastly, when you finally meet that special man, make the marriage work. Remember that you take vows before God. When problems arise, communication is very important. Don’t be selfish and beware of the many temptations that are out there. (That’s another discussion).