Caring for Kids During a Divorce

Check out this post by Georgina Evans.

Going through a divorce is a tough time for the two individuals deciding to walk in separate directions. However, when there are kids involved, this puts extra strain on the situation. There are ways of dealing with this big event in a sensible and restrained manner. The divorce will affect every kid differently; they may be shocked, frustrated, upset and angry. This is why it is so important to make sure that the kids get every inch of support that they need. It is essential that both parents put their differences aside when dealing with the children. Make sure they know that they are loved and things will get easier. This guide is here to offer a template to how to deal with this situation in the benefit of your children.

Breaking the news

There is never an easy way to break such news, but it is best if possible for both parents to be present in the discussion. This enables the children to ask questions to both parties and offers a clear understanding of the situation. The conversation will be different for whatever age the kids are and their level of maturity, etc. In whatever case, it is vital for the parent to persist that what has happened is between them and is not the children’s fault in any way.

Restrain from conflict in front of the kids

For the sake of the children’s well being, it is best to keep heated discussions away from them. It will just escalate their worries and will upset them further. Legal talk should be kept well away from the kids also. It is not fair to discuss such matters in front of them. To make it easier for the kids, it is important to converse such matters in privacy.

Avoid disruption to routines

If parents stir up the usual daily routines due to the divorce, this disruption will add to the child’s confusion of the situation. Home life will be unsettled at this time, so keeping the usual routine going offers the children stability and structure. Children yearn stability so it is key to continue this. Undoubtedly there will be some occasions that you may have to disrupt the child’s daily routine, but it is vital to keep this to a minimum to avoid further upset.

Both parents must stay involved

An imperative point about caring for the children during a divorce is that it must be an equal and shared responsibility of both parents. They must both stay engaged in the kid’s lives to reinforce their parental figures. This will assure the kids that just because the parents will not be together anymore, this does not mean the child will not see them.

No negativity to one and other

It is important to confine blame about each other to discussions with friends or family away from the home, or therapy sessions if the parents so wish to do so. Conversing about personal issues with one another in front of sensitive ears can impact on the children’s views and feelings towards both parents. Hearing the parents being bitter towards each other will distress the kids and add more confusion to a situation they will find hard to grasp an understanding of.

Do not seek advice from the kids

Adults will need thorough support from friends, family and professionals during this upsetting time of separation. It is unfair to seek out support from your kids, as this will be offering them a biased view on the divorce. The kids may appear like they want to give you support, but for their sakes it is best to restrain from this. Perhaps discuss it with them when they are older and more mature to deal with the topic of discussion.

Dealing with kids reactions

Depending on their age and personalities, all kids will act differently. However in most circumstances, the parents must be prepared for lots of questions. The children may feel guilty and scared. It is imperative to keep the child reassured and be clear about what is going to happen. Some kids may not react straight away, so in this situation it is important to let the child be aware that they can talk to you whenever they feel ready to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Be an Example of Dignity to Your Child By Paul Smith

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Sometimes I wonder:  How can one abuse a child? Little creatures that came into this world to make you happy, bring you joy, and be the sense of your life. The greatest happiness is when that little angel winds his little hands around your neck and screams that he loves you.

What on earth can make you do any harm to this angel??? Why are some people so cruel to those whom they gave this life? Why are there so many cases of child abuse in families?

It is a known fact that all children absorb all of the information given to them just like a sponge. Parents’ attitude towards them and their behavior are marked in their sub consciousness. From an early age, children experience different punishments; even for the little prank, they are beaten or shouted at. Psychologists will say that this is wrong, as the physical punishment is much more hazardous than emotional effect.

My parents never beat me; my father has always been and still is an example of dignity for me. The worst punishment of his to me, even now, is when he elevates his voice on me. It doesn’t happen that often, but it means he is really angry with me; there has never been any physical violence from his side. What I want to say is that instead of giving a spank to your child every time he does something in the wrong way, you need to tell him why he is wrong; give him a reason that he should not act in such a way again. It will work, and in the eyes of your child, you will remain a strict, but a loving and caring parent.

20131128-150101.jpgChild abuse is fairly prevalent in dysfunctional families, where the violence against children is quite a common thing nowadays. Parents often use this kind of punishment, as they think that children should be absolutely obedient to them, and this is a great mistake from their side. Corporal punishment of children leads to degradation of a child’s individuality. A child can understand that the spanking is something that goes without saying, and he does not have a feeling of guilt. It prevents the development of his full awareness of himself as individuality. The corporal punishments go from generation to generation, and it cannot be excluded that the child will treat his own children in the same way that his parents treated him.  The child thinks that such a behavior is a right one and will take it for granted in the future.

Usually, child abuse takes place in families where parents just can’t bring their children up correctly.  It is absurd to me when I see a mother shouting at her young child just because he has soiled his clothes or made some disorder in the room. It is a child! What did you expect from him? That he would go and clean after himself and wash the clothes? I am getting furious when young moms are happy to have any opportunity to punish her child.

I hope that in the future we will have a better situation with all of the child abuse cases, as these little angels are not guilty that they were born. You wanted a child? Then, please, do your best to make his childhood the best one and treat him as the gift from God that he really is.

About the author: Paul Smith is a big family man. He enjoys traveling, meeting new people, and in his spare time he creates guest posts on various topics. Contact Paul at  http://essaywritingservice-reviews.com, http://plus.google.com/u/0/109013041940492187102?rel=author