Tips for Dating After 35

My single and divorced friends will often call me for dating advice. It’s comforting when they actually listen to it. Some will ask for my advice and then do the opposite thing. Then they come back sad and disappointed. Dating doesn’t get any easier when you’re 35 and older, but you can still be successful. Here are some tips:

  1. There are still good men out there. Some women say that they are by themselves because men today don’t have anything to offer. That may be true to a certain extent, but it works both ways. What do you have to offer? How picky can you be when you’re unemployed, living with your parents, and don’t own your own car? Think about it. You may be hurt by what I’ve said, but you have to consider those things. You may be looking for a lawyer, but that “good man” may be a bus driver taking college courses in political science. You never know.
  2. Pray about it. God knows all of our wants and our needs. Talk to Him about it. There are many biblical references for this (i.e. I Thessalonians 5:17; Psalm 37:4; Philippines 4:6).
  3. Stop obsessing about your ex. You may feel that you invested a lot of time in that relationship, but he did as well. Your ex had moved on with someone new, so you should do the same. That is the reason that they are called “exes”. You forgive them and move on. Don’t keep allowing them to hurt you over and over again. That obsession will take control of your life, and you will not be able to move forward.
  4. Don’t just focus on one guy. If you’re divorced and ready to start dating again, don’t just focus on one guy. You may find him attractive, but you don’t know anything about him. In 2014, a man can be gay, straight, bisexual, or transsexual. Unless he’s up front about it, it’s not good to assume until you get to know him. Get to know one another and see what things that you have in common. If it doesn’t lead to a relationship, you’ll at least have a friendship. This isn’t about sex; the more men that you meet, the better your chances of finding one that you’re compatible with.
  5. Continue to live life to the fullest. Don’t put all of your focus on dating. Typically, if you’re involved in outside activities and causes that you are passionate about, chances are that you’re meeting people with similar interests.
  6. Stop thinking that nobody is “good enough”. It so easy for you to believe that now that you have a successful career, a fantastic house, the car, and the beauty that no man can meet your standards. Whether or not you want to admit it, you need that companionship. You get tired of coming home to an empty house. I’ve heard so many stories of women that always talk about how many men are pursuing them; yet they are not interested in any of them.   Stop faking. Just like you, every man is going to have his flaws in addition to his outstanding characteristics. It’s all about what you can live with.

 

I hope that these tips are helpful. Some of you may not like what I had to say, but these are the things that I’ve noticed and believe should be said. Remember to stay positive. Marriage can work if two people are compatible.

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Confession Does Not Mean Healing

Many of us feel that if we make a confession that our problems are solved.  We go on Facebook or Twitter and talk about the horrible day that we’re having, the person that wronged us, or how we don’t need a man.  We put ourselves out there not just to a few people, but for everyone to see.  Misspelled words, profanity, and all.  We feel a sense of release, but is it really?

This is absolutely not the way to do it .  When you use social media to express your feelings, you really need to be mindful of who may be reading it…family, friends, potential employers, or business partners.  When I read some posts, I’ll think, “Really?  Are your serious?  You actually wrote that on your page?”.

If you really want to start the healing process from whatever issue that you’re dealing with, I would first pray about it and talk to a GOOD friend or a counselor.  I emphasize GOOD because everybody can’t handle confessions or secrets.  Some of us shock easily. Also, a GOOD friend knows you the best, won’t be judgmental, and can always be counted on to give great advice.  (I can honestly say that I’ve heard it all, and with everything going on these days, nothing would surprise or shock me about anyone).

On the other hand, many of us are “anonymous” with our issues.  We think that if only God knows (or if nobody knows), then we’re good to go.  However, this past Sunday, I learned that we need to tell somebody else about our issue, whether it’s an addiction, bitterness, or loneliness; God can speak to us through that person.  His plan is for us to reach out to one another so that we can begin to heal.  To be honest, your secrets are never anonymous.  Somebody will figure it out.  They are just waiting for you to tell them about it.

So whatever your issue may be, don’t keep it bottled up inside.  On the other hand, don’t broadcast it all over social media, either.  You don’t need to tell everybody.  Find a person that you love and trust to confide in, or tell  a counselor. ( A counselor can only disclose information if they think that you may harm yourself or somebody else). Whoever you decide to have a heart to heart with, I wish you the best as you begin the healing process.

Be an Example of Dignity to Your Child By Paul Smith

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Sometimes I wonder:  How can one abuse a child? Little creatures that came into this world to make you happy, bring you joy, and be the sense of your life. The greatest happiness is when that little angel winds his little hands around your neck and screams that he loves you.

What on earth can make you do any harm to this angel??? Why are some people so cruel to those whom they gave this life? Why are there so many cases of child abuse in families?

It is a known fact that all children absorb all of the information given to them just like a sponge. Parents’ attitude towards them and their behavior are marked in their sub consciousness. From an early age, children experience different punishments; even for the little prank, they are beaten or shouted at. Psychologists will say that this is wrong, as the physical punishment is much more hazardous than emotional effect.

My parents never beat me; my father has always been and still is an example of dignity for me. The worst punishment of his to me, even now, is when he elevates his voice on me. It doesn’t happen that often, but it means he is really angry with me; there has never been any physical violence from his side. What I want to say is that instead of giving a spank to your child every time he does something in the wrong way, you need to tell him why he is wrong; give him a reason that he should not act in such a way again. It will work, and in the eyes of your child, you will remain a strict, but a loving and caring parent.

20131128-150101.jpgChild abuse is fairly prevalent in dysfunctional families, where the violence against children is quite a common thing nowadays. Parents often use this kind of punishment, as they think that children should be absolutely obedient to them, and this is a great mistake from their side. Corporal punishment of children leads to degradation of a child’s individuality. A child can understand that the spanking is something that goes without saying, and he does not have a feeling of guilt. It prevents the development of his full awareness of himself as individuality. The corporal punishments go from generation to generation, and it cannot be excluded that the child will treat his own children in the same way that his parents treated him.  The child thinks that such a behavior is a right one and will take it for granted in the future.

Usually, child abuse takes place in families where parents just can’t bring their children up correctly.  It is absurd to me when I see a mother shouting at her young child just because he has soiled his clothes or made some disorder in the room. It is a child! What did you expect from him? That he would go and clean after himself and wash the clothes? I am getting furious when young moms are happy to have any opportunity to punish her child.

I hope that in the future we will have a better situation with all of the child abuse cases, as these little angels are not guilty that they were born. You wanted a child? Then, please, do your best to make his childhood the best one and treat him as the gift from God that he really is.

About the author: Paul Smith is a big family man. He enjoys traveling, meeting new people, and in his spare time he creates guest posts on various topics. Contact Paul at  http://essaywritingservice-reviews.com, http://plus.google.com/u/0/109013041940492187102?rel=author

Finding A Mate

A lot of single women ask me my opinion about finding a mate.  There are a lot of single women, whether divorced, separated, or never been married, that would like to have a great guy in their life.  The first thing that I tell them is to know what you want.  I made a list as a matter of fact when I was single.  I remember a godly man with intelligence and a sense of humor topped the list.  I must say that he exceeded my expectations.  Sure, no man is perfect, but neither are we. If you’re divorced, don’t blame yourself.  Learn and grow from the experience.

We can sometimes overlook a good man because we are so wrapped up in the physical.  No, I’m not saying that you should date a troll, but  give a guy a chance if he’s a little chubby or a little shorter than you.  Especially if you have a lot in common.  I’ve met many men that are sexy, but they are very flawed in other areas.  Sexy doesn’t pay the bills.  Sexy won’t matter if he’s cheating on you or taking his frustrations out on your face.  I tell women as long as you find him attractive, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks.

It’s wonderful to have a man that is also your friend.  You can talk for hours when you’re together, no matter how deep the conversation.  You should have similar religious views, values, and the same attitude about family. If you want to have kids, you don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t want them.  Also, if your man wants you to be a stay-at-home mother, but you want to have a career, those are vast differences.  If you’re having major issues before you get married, they’re only going to get worse.  Also, you want a man to be supportive.  He shouldn’t bad-mouth you behind your back or embarrass you in public. You should be respectful of him as well.  Marriage is a team effort.

Lastly, when you finally meet that special man, make the marriage work.  Remember that you take vows before God.  When problems arise, communication is very important.  Don’t be selfish and beware of the many temptations that are out there.  (That’s another discussion).