There are many reasons that friendships end. It’s often painful when you lose a lifelong friend. You’ve known them since grade school, or you grew up in the same neighborhood. You think that with everything that you been through that your friendship wouldn’t end over someone of the opposite sex.
Here’s the scenario: Your best friend has been dating the same person for many years. During that time, you become friends with her as well. Your best friend dumps his current girlfriend for what he thinks is a better catch. Then, he deserts you and everyone else in his circle for her. During this time, his ex feels betrayed and confides in you. He hears about it and becomes jealous, even though there’s nothing sexual involved. All you’re doing is listening and advising. As time passes, this new love of his life betrays him by marrying another guy right under his nose. The ultimate betrayal, right?
He tries to apologize to his ex, you, his family, and everyone else that he’s hurt in the process. He drops the bomb….he gives you an ultimatum…..him or his ex. You can only be friends with one of them. Very immature indeed. You should not be forced to choose sides.
You don’t want to end a lifelong friendship over something petty as this, but sometimes it has to be that way. When you think about your friendship over the years, there were times that he stole from you. You forgave him every time. He took advantage of you time and time again, and you forgave him. When do you reach your breaking point? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? You need to get toxic people out of your life. Here are some signs that it’s time to keep it moving.
1. They damage your self-esteem. Just like in any relationship, you wouldn’t want to be around a verbally or mentally abusive person. If this person “stabs you in the back” , he was not a real friend from the start. A true friend is always brutally honest, even if it hurts a little sometimes.
2. They encourage negative behaviors. If you find yourself engaged in negative behaviors (i.e. stealing, drugs, violence) now because of this “friend”, it’s time to move on.
3. You only see them when they want something. You have those friends that only come around or call you when they need money or a favor. There has to be a point where enough is enough. Do not let them continue abusing your friendship.
4. You’ve grown and they haven’t matured. I’ve experienced this a lot over recent years. I have grown apart from some of my friends because of either petty differences or I’ve outgrown them. They still act like high school kids. I’m an elitist….I like being in the company of intelligent people.
5. You don’t trust them. Obviously, if you don’t have the trust factor, there isn’t a friendship.
Every once in a while, you need to do an inventory. Some of us manage to get away from hurtful people only to go back to them because they are familiar. Think about your current situation. Do you have an awesome circle of friends? Or are they toxic? It’s not the quantity of friends, but the quality. I’d rather have 5 great friends than 20 fake friends. Detox if you need to. You’ll feel better.